Remember when we told you about Breakfast Utopia? Well, now it appears you’ll be able to turn your closet into a Breakfast Utopia! Among our new arrivals this week are t-shirts featuring Tony the Tiger, Froot Loops, and Pop-Tarts.
These are all sweet vintage tees, but I think I gotta go with Tony the Tiger as my first choice, simply to pay homage to those awesome Frosted Flakes commercials from my youth. They’d always show kids playing t-ball, or roller hockey, or whatever else was popular in the 90s, and their bowl of Frosted Flakes always came through to help them win, with Tony cheering them on all the way.
I would eat five or six bowls of the stuff before my ball games, and I would somehow, almost magically, become both really full of annoying hyperactive energy, but also, really overweight and eventually too slow to even run the bases, according to my coach.
“Whatever ‘Coach,’” I’d say. “You’re not my real coach anyway - I’ve got Tony coaching me over there (motioning to the empty space to my right where a sugar-induced mirage of a large cartoon tiger was standing). I don’t need you! I don’t need any of you (motioning to teammates). I’ve got the TIGER in me!”
And that’s the story of how I got cut from my baseball team. I never really liked baseball anyway, so, whatever.
Tony will still play catch with me whenever I want.