International Pillow Fight Day is coming up, did you know that? I was just reading about it on the BBC Travel “Passport Blog.” I’d never heard of such a thing, but apparently this takes place all around the world – including right here in the US in cities like Boston, NYC, etc.
Just got me thinking – we should organize some sort of International T-shirt Fight Day! You’ve been to a sporting event at some point in the last 10 years, right? You know how they shoot t-shirts with those t shirt bazookas? People could just line up and fire those things at each other! Or just roll up t-shirts really tight and whack each other with them!!
Okay, now that I’ve thought about this a little more that actually sounds really dangerous. I’m sure our high-profile and powerful legal team would ask me to add a disclaimer that you shouldn’t try that at home. I’ve never met them, but I’m sure they look like those lawyers that show up on Alton Brown’s Food Network show “Good Eats” – if you watch the show, you know what I mean.
Anyway, so those plans fell apart before they even materialized, but that gave me an even better idea! We could still do International T-shirt Fight Day, but it will be BETWEEN our t-shirts, AND it will be imaginary, because A) t-shirts are inanimate objects that cannot physically fight each other, and B) imaginary is always more fun. Here we go!
ROUND 1: Beers vs. Dinosaurs
VS. Okay, first of all, look at those Beer antlers – those are vicious! Plus, “Beers” have that imaginary thing going for them, which again, we just told you is always better. And Dinosaurs aren’t extinct for nothin – maybe they couldn’t hack it against creatures like “Beers.”
ROUND 2: Alan’s One Man Wolfpack from the Hangover vs. Tigers Love Pepper from the Hangover
Well, anyone that’s seen the movie The Hangover knows the wacky way that this matchup ends. If you haven’t seen it, I won’t ruin it for you, but suffice it to say…
VERDICT: One Man Wolfpack!
ROUND 3: What Would Jason Do vs. The T-shirt Ninja
VS. I am not one to disrespect Ninjas, but come on – Jason is one of the most bad ass dudes of all time. He’s survived pretty much everything those silly Camp Crystal Lake Counselors could muster, and all manner of potential death, so I’m pretty sure a ninja is like nothing to him. If he were reading this right now, he’d probably be like, “Pffffft – Ninjas!! OH-kay!! What are you gonna do, hide?? Hahaha!!” And then the Ninja’s dead.
FINAL ROUND: Chuck Norris Periodic Table t shirt vs. Periodic Table Bacon Shirt
VS. You will find no more fervent fans of bacon than we the Crazy Dog crew. We love it morning noon and night – give us bacon, and we are very happy people. But come on, seriously, look at Chuck Norris – he destroyed the whole periodic table! Unfortunately, “Ba Co N” would have to be a casualty. So long old buddy…
VERDICT: CHUCK NORRIS!